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Thursday, June 11, 2009

If you use a pronoun, be sure your reader can tell what "it" or "they" refers to.

Pronouns are useful writing tools when used correctly. They allow a writer to avoid repeating a noun over and over. However, when the antecedent for a pronoun (the noun it refers back to) is not clear, the reader gets confused.


Here is a good example of what I mean from a paragraph in Monday's The Birmingham News:


Under the eCrash system, information can be added to a crash report by a trooper electronically scanning a driver license or electronically running a tag number. A drawing program is included for diagramming crash scenes. They type in other pertinent information.


Who does "they" refer to in this paragraph? If you check, you will see that the only "plural" noun in this paragraph is "scenes, and I seriously doubt the writer means to suggest that scenes can type. "They" is not appropriate. We do have "a trooper" in the sentence, so perhaps the solution is to change "they" to "he," but then we get into the whole issue of excluding the female half of the population. Perhaps the solution is to leave "they" and change "trooper" to "troopers," but that doesn't work because "they" is still next to "scenes."

Conclusion: This paragraph is not a good place to use a pronoun. The word "troopers" should be used again to avoid confusion.


Before we sign off on this paragraph, let's also look at the use of passive voice. ...information can be added by a trooper by electronically...is an "around your elbow" way to say what needs to be said. It is much simpler to say ...a trooper can add information to a crash report electronically...


Let's see what this paragraph looks like if we correct the pronoun confusion AND eliminate the use of passive voice:


Under the eCrash system, troopers can add information to crash reports by electronically scanning a driver license or electronically running a tag number. The system includes a program for diagramming crash scenes. Troopers can type in other pertinent information.

From my perspective, this is much easier to read. I hope you agree.

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