Introductory Phrases and Clauses Have Their Purpose

The following sentence appeared in a news article during the recent campaign leading up to the primary run-offs in Alabama:



Senior staff just before his news conference was set to begin were quietly informing reporters that (Tim) James had decided to end his challenge.



This sentence is difficult to read because the inserted dependent clause (printed in red) separates the subject STAFF from the verb WERE INFORMING for no good reason. It just does not fit in this position, and the focus ends up in the wrong place.



I would suggest rewording it this way and using a comma to set off the resulting nine-word introductory clause before the main idea:



Just before his news conference was set to begin, senior staff were quietly informing reporters that James had decided to end his challenge.



I hope you agree that this sounds much clearer. This is the kind of improvement that can be made if you make time to proofread what you write.