More on Choosing Good Wording to Fit Meaning

Here is another example of wording that does not effectively reflect meaning:

Freda Tarbell, spokeswoman for the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection, said it may not be until mid-morning Sunday before officials allow residents to return home.

This is one of those sentences that makes the reader think "Huh?" and then reread to try to sort out the meaning. It could be fixed SO easily, if the writer did a little proofreading, by eliminating the unnecessary negative word NOT and the confusion of trying to use both UNTIL and BEFORE in the same sentence.

The sentence should read as follows:

Freda Tarbell, spokeswoman for the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection, said it may be mid-morning Sunday before officials allow residents to return home.

Wouldn't you agree that this simple fix makes the sentence clearer and smoother?

If you have an entangled sentence you'd like help with, please send along a comment, and I will be happy to work on it for you.